Today I’m getting just a little bit personal.
For Christmas, my mom gave my brother and me a copy of her father’s memoirs. It’s entitled “In Retrospect,” and was written over the course of a many years.
My “Pap,” Elwood Maness, born in 1925, was a kind and loving man, and I don’t remember him ever raising his voice, ever getting annoyed, or ever saying a cross word. He would carry any of his grandchildren as long as they wanted, and my parents often joked that my brother and I would have never learned to walk if we had lived closer to my grandparents. He sat patiently while my cousins and I “styled” his hair with bows and clips. He let us “shave our whiskers” with him in his tiny bathroom (with a comb instead of a razor, of course). My parents will tell you that my Nanny and Pap taught them how a marriage should look, and were always a shining example.
So you can imagine my surprise when I read about his bad attitude (by his own admission), his first cigarette at age 6, his “courting” of the ladies, and his urge to physically harm multiple coworkers. Surprising, and hilarious. It dawned on me a few times that, at certain points in his recollections, my Pap was younger than I am now. And that, my friends, is a very strange realization.
Pap eventually succumbed to a ruthless combination of Parkinson’s and Dementia, a cruel fate that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Almost four years after his passing, I am so grateful for the guidance he gave all of us, and for writing his memoirs. It’s something I’ll treasure all my life.
Even now, his wisdom speaks to my soul and reminds me of what is truly important in this life. Here are just a few lessons that Pap’s memoirs taught me.
1. Be thankful for what you have…always.
Pap, like many in his generation, grew up with very limited means. Indoor plumbing was a luxury his family couldn’t afford and the “refrigerator” was a cooler in the spring that ran about a half mile behind their house. But he speaks of his younger days with great enthusiasm, saying, “Despite times being hard, I never remember being hungry.” He was a master at finding the bright side (a commendable trait he passed to my mother).
2. Be a leader.
Pap was in the army during WWII and advanced through the ranks very quickly. He never waited for someone to tell him what to do, or for someone else to do it. He took initiative and in turn was rewarded.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
The above quote comes from the time that Pap remembers meeting my Nanny, Martha Lawson. He was supposed to be stationed in another state with his job as a salesman, but got sent to Dalton, Georgia instead. There he met my grandmother, and a fairy tale romance took hold and lasted over 60 years.
4. Some people are just jerks.
It’s true. There are going to be people you get along with and people you don’t care for. That’s life. The important thing is to learn to tolerate the presence of those “horses’ asses.”
5. Don’t dwell on the past or the things you can’t change.
Pap recalls that he wished he would have changed jobs at a certain point, or stayed in a particular town a little longer. He admits that there are things he’d do differently, but there’s no use in dwelling on what might have been. Instead, count your blessings (see #1).
6. Don’t be intimidated by others.
The CEO of a Fortune 500 company and the checkout boy at the gas station are both human, and are both capable. Pap taught his children that anything is possible if you’re willing to work for it.
My grandfather — my Pap — remains a lasting example to the many lives he touched in his 86 years. Thank you for the lessons, and thank you for your love.
