Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. Although we’ve only been married for 3 years, Charles and I have been together for almost 9. Sometimes I find it hard to even remember what life was like BC (before Charles)…we met on my 19th birthday and never looked back.

Charles and I are incredibly lucky to both have parents that have set a marvelous example for us, but there are some things you just have to learn for yourself when it comes to marriage. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but here are just a few things I’ve learned.

1. Compromise is key.
2. It’s not always 50/50. Sometimes you have to give more, and sometimes you need to take more.
3. Sometimes the best way you can take care of your spouse is to take care of yourself.
4. In-laws can be tricky, on both sides. Have patience and always be kind.
5. It’s ok to go to bed angry if the alternative is saying hurtful things.
6. Men can’t read minds, ladies. You have to communicate. If you want something, ask for it.
7. Even if your husband snores, there’s a dog in the bed, and it’s 85⁰ in your bedroom, sleep in the same bed. There’s a certain intimacy in sleeping next to your husband.
8. It’s not my house, it’s our house. His tastes and opinions matter too.
9. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.
10. Being right isn’t everything. Pick your battles.
11. Silence doesn’t have to be awkward.
12. It’s important to be on the same page when it comes to your finances.
13. He will never understand why you need that many shoes/magazines/eyeliners/brass animal figurines.
14. Accept the quirks.
15. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public. It’s rude to those around you and it doesn’t solve anything.
16. Your marriage doesn’t need to be your only identity. You should each have your own identity outside of your marriage.
17. What comes after the wedding is so much more important. Try not to lose sight of that when planning a wedding.
18. Have kids on your own terms, and in your own time.
19. It’s ok to fight, but always fight fair. No name calling or ultimatums. You can’t unring the bell of nasty remarks.
20. Set aside time to unplug and connect with each other. We have a no-phones-during-dinner rule.
21. Don’t talk about touchy things when you’re hungry hangry.
22. If possible, avoid doing things in public with just one person of the opposite sex. Even work lunches can be misinterpreted.
23. Marriage is hard work, but so worth it.

Photos by Brett & Jessica.