Sorry for the personal post today, but it’s just one of those days.
I really try not to be a complainer, and most people that know me would never know about most of the stuff that I have going on. And I have debated for a while whether or not to post this. It really has nothing to do with the house, it’s just about me. I usually try to shy away from that and not be an oversharer or an attention whore.
But one thing I’ve clearly learned through blogging is that it is a very cathartic process. I get asked all the time how I’m not freaking out or just a huge stress ball over the house, and I truly think that this blog is the answer. Being able to express myself and share the process with others has been my therapy. Sometimes I think it’s more about writing it down than having it read.
As you may know, I had surgery to reconstruct my ankle just over 2 months ago. The surgery went swimmingly, and the doctor was very optimistic about my full, speedy recovery. He must not have known what my parents have been telling me since I was a child…I’m special. No, not in the sweet “everyone is unique and special” kind of way, but rather in the “only 1% of people get this, and I can guarantee it will be you” kind of way.
I am so thankful for my generally good health. I am so lucky, while so many others are not. But I do have some pretty random health issues. Since the age of 16, I’ve had chronic daily transformational migraine. That basically means I have a headache all the time, usually about a 2-3 on a 10 scale, and every now and then it spikes into a full-blown knock-me-out migraine. This wouldn’t be such a problem if I didn’t have such a high tolerance to meds. Who knows where it comes from. (No, I’ve never done drugs…maybe I was a junkie in a past life.) Because of this tolerance, most medicines don’t work for me. I’ve tried over 30 different medicines and combinations of medicines. I’ve done physical therapy, accupuncture, biofeedback, allergy testing, meditation, gluten free diet, alcohol free diet, massage therapy…the list could go on. And as you can imagine, there’s a constant psychological battle as a result of being in chronic pain. I’m not embarrassed to say that I have seen a psychologist in the past, and have been on anti-anxiety medicine for a few years now. And I would strongly encourage anyone to seek help in those ways.
After trying about 4 different neurologists all over the state, I finally found Duke Pain Clinic. It has been amazing! They are very progressive and aggressive, and I have been on a “plan” since the beginning. But again, I’m special. So the lumbar puncture (spinal tap) went fine, but I was in the 1% that had a leak that caused immeasurable pain for a week until I finally had to have a blood patch done (another painful procedure). I was hospitalized for 5 days at Duke to “detox” my body and try to reset my system. During that time, I was given a round of IV meds every 6 hours that made me painfully ill. I guess you have to get rid of everything to truly detox. But that didn’t work either, and all I was left with were hospital bills and a week of my life wasted.
After 6 rounds of testing (and by testing, I mean injections into my spinal column in my neck), I had what is called radiofrequency ablation this past February. Basically, they sever your occipital nerve and burn it so it takes longer to grow back. Most people experience anywhere from 6 months to 2 years of improvement. Mine lasted about 4 months, and then insurance refused to cover the procedure again. I will say that it has helped with my “10” migraines, but the daily headache is still there.
In addition to the migraines, I’ve had hypertension for several years (the result of a nasty kidney infection when I was younger) and have been on blood pressure medicine since I was 21. I’m also prone to ovarian cysts, and have had a few rupture. Fun times.
So back to the ankle…although my surgery went great and I have had virtually no pain after the first couple of days, there have been a few hiccups. First, when my cast came off 5 weeks after surgery, I had a pretty gruesome infection. A strong round of antibiotics seemed to help, until this weekend, when the incision site started to get red and swollen again. I went to the doctor on Monday and found out that I have yet another infection because my body is “rejecting the internal sutures.” I was ordered 10 days of the strongest antibiotic they could find, but after 2 days, my infection is worse. So I am on my way back to the doctor today to see what’s up.
Like I said, I’m “special.” Lately, special seems to be more like “can’t catch a break.” I would cry, but that would give me a migraine. I would exercise it out, but I have an out of commission ankle. I would eat, but…well you know. So instead, I’m sharing. I’m not looking for sympathy or help or suggestions or anything else. I’m simply sharing this in an effort to get back to a place of hope. And in the meantime, I’ll try to remember this:
Feel free to send me a bill for the therapy. ;)
{update: oops! this one has sold!}
